Several months back I was riding on a train and thinking about this seemingly unending misery called infertility. One trail of thought led to another, and I thought of Job, who also went through a time of trial. I busted out my Bible and started skimming his story. I recalled how God had allowed Job to be tried by Satan because Satan accused Job of only faithfully serving God because he was so blessed. God disagreed, and allowed Satan to do anything and take anything from Job except his life. Job didn’t know this, but Satan took the offer. And do you know what is said about how Job handled the trial? “In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.”
I stopped there and started thinking about myself. I had been walking a blessed road, in my assessment, and was struggling with why God would bring us, His faithful servants, into such an awful path of trial. I asked myself, What if this is the same situation as Job? What if God is betting with Satan that your faith is not based on your blessing? How are you doing? And if the story stopped tomorrow, what would be the conclusive line about how you handled it all?
If I were honest, I would’ve said that I would’ve been ashamed at what would be said of me. I was struggling with the Lord and having trouble witnessing to others, praying at all, keeping hope, and trusting my beliefs, because I had crossed the 12-month line of trying to conceive and was realizing God was allowing us to enter this trial. I was bitter with Him, borderline (over the line?) sinful in my heart. I knew my fate was in His hands, and I was bothered at how He was handling it.
So Satan was winning, you guys. If I was being bet on (by the way, what a compliment to Job that God had such confidence in his faith, right?), I was losing. So I devoted myself to change my story. If it ends tomorrow, I don’t want my testimony to be, “In all this she crawled into a ball in her bed and cried for days until it was over.” Or “In all this she stopped praying and wouldn’t open her Bible, because she was giving God the silent treatment.” Or “In all this she whined and complained daily and made everyone else miserable.” Or whatever you would say is your current response.
I guess this is just my challenge to you, from my own thoughts and mistakes, to search your heart and consider what would be written of you if you got your own book of the Bible like Job did. I hope your answer is better than mine was, and if not, I hope you have the wisdom to change it!