Reblog – What Nobody Tells You About Miscarriages

a hundred affections

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When miscarriage strikes, nobody hands you a fact-sheet with what to expect in the aftermath.   It certainly would have helped.

When I miscarried last year, I was astonished to later find out that so many women I knew had miscarried as well. It’s a personal matter – and rightly so – but, in a lot of ways, it would have been so helpful if women talked about it more! I know it would have helped me.

This is the topic of my second blog post published over at Fertility Authority: What Nobody Tells You About Miscarriages (Because Nobody Talks About It).  If you have struggled with a miscarriage, are living in the aftermath, or have ever wondered if what you are going through is normal – here’s my ‘fact-sheet’ for you: my version of ‘What I Wish I Had Known.’

It won’t necessarily heal the pain, but for…

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Psalm 40 – He set my feet upon a rock

Psalm 40 (ESV)

1 I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.

4 Blessed is the man who makes
the Lord his trust,
who does not turn to the proud,
to those who go astray after a lie! Continue reading “Psalm 40 – He set my feet upon a rock”

Why do bad things happen to good people?

why

While this doesn’t necessarily do away with the inevitable “why” question, it should eliminate this form of it, which personally irks me. The biblical answer to this question is, “There are no good people,” as we see in Romans 3:

“None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.”

Even in the shadow of death I will praise You

I will follow You through green pastures
And sing hallelujah to Your Name
I will follow You through dark disaster
And sing Hallelujah through the pain

And even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
And even in the valleys I will say

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

You are seated on Your throne in Heaven
And You see all of us down here
And You have promised You will not abandon
So I shall not fear

Even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
Even in the valleys I will say

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

You made every star
And You taught it how to shine
You knew my name before there was time
And all this was just part of Your glorious design
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

Our prayers do make a difference

I found this by accident on Pinterest today, and it really spoke to me. What strength we can find in knowing that the power in our prayers comes from the One to whom we pray, and not us.

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Waiting Here for You… and waiting, and waiting, and waiting

wait on the lordIt’s only to be expected that you will get tired of waiting for the Lord to act or answer during this time. You know you’re being sanctified, learning patience, but it doesn’t always calm the mystery inside of why God is taking so long “up there.” There are so many biblical reasons for this.

In an article titled Why Won’t God Hurry Up?, Relevant Magazine writer Eric Speir sites at least four reasons he realized while he was waiting four years for the Lord to bless Him with a ministry job. His first reason is that you aren’t ready for the size of what will come. This is an interesting thought. We cringe at it, but it’s fair to consider that maybe God is still preparing you and/or your spouse to be parents. My husband and I have considered this in times of fighting or stress. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow when you see teenagers or other immature people “accidentally” becoming parents, but I encourage you to keep your eyes on Christ and your journey, and not let your eyes wander to assess other peoples’ journeys and what God does in their lives. The second reason Speir provides is that you are unlearning improper worship — in other words, has a baby become an idol to you? It may not be a real “golden calf,” but is it the most important thing in your world? It shouldn’t be. God will probably want to strip you of that before blessing you further. The article also mentions two other reasons we’ve discussed a bit in his blog: learning dependence on God, and being used for other things in this time. Learning dependence of God is probably the sweetest reason for waiting, in my opinion. What a better response from God than to ask for your attention and to grow closer to you before giving you another potential (and likely) distraction? Continue reading “Waiting Here for You… and waiting, and waiting, and waiting”

On complaining, being inconsolable, and being sensitive

Warning: This is going to be another post that probably won’t get a lot of likes or go viral, but it is truth and needs to be said.

Take a moment and read with me from Philippians 2:14-16

Do all things without grumbling or complaining, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

I used to teach in public schools, and this verse was close to my heart each day. It tells one clear way you can stand out as a follower of Christ while living among the world: do everything without grumbling and complaining. Back then, for me, that meant not whining about standardized testing and after school meetings. Today, it comes to mind when thinking about my “lot” in life of infertility. As I read through blogs, forums, and magazines and listen to other women talk, I am overcome by a tidal wave of complaints. And what’s worse is, because we’re suffering something sad and beyond our control, we feel we deserve to be complaining. So no one stops us, and we don’t question ourselves.

So it goes with what I see are two other sin issues of infertility and trial in general: being inconsolable, and being too sensitive. We allow and excuse these behaviors in ourselves and others because we feel we deserve to act this way, given the struggles we are facing. We think it’s natural, normal, and merited. But God commands us to be holy as He is holy without condition. We aren’t exempt from being sinful simply because we are in a hard situation. Why are these choices sinful, you may ask? You already see above that we are commanded not to grumble or complain, so that’s obvious. Here are some reasons I’ve thought of (you may have some to add, and please do!):

  1. Not having a submissive attitude to God’s will – If you are sitting in a pit, whining about your life and refusing to try and improve, you have a heart issue, dear friend. It may not be easy every day, but you are commanded to submit to the Lord in all things, even in infertility. Attitudes like this show a refusal to submit — just as a disobedient child will slam down with his arms crossed and head shaking, so am I when I complain about my situation or refuse to feel better or take consolation or advice.holy
  2. Not choosing joy – We are commanded to be joyful people, even (especially?) in trial. If you refuse to be joyful, you are in direct disobedience to this command, and that’s sin. There’s not much more I can say about that!
  3. Being touchy is not loving – We are commanded to be loving (God is love, after all). 1 Corinthians 13, everyone’s favorite passage since A Walk to Remember, tells us that “love is not easily angered;” in a looser, modern interpretation, it says “love is not touchy.” When I get easily offended by everything others say, I’m choosing not to be loving. (Yes, I know you’re thinking about how others need to be more sensitive to be loving, but that is not a condition for my love.) Continue reading “On complaining, being inconsolable, and being sensitive”

A call to all the dead and disappointed

I hope God uses this song to remind you that you ARE alive in Him today!

This is a call to all the dead and disappointed, 
The ones who feel like they are done.
This is a word to all the ones who feel forgotten, 
But you are not, 
Oh you are not.

The joy of the Lord is my strength

Nehemiah 8:10

Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

In a time of great celebration, after a great time of struggle, this is what the people of God were told to do. I encourage you to choose the same thing! Here is a great old-ish song to make your heart-song this morning as you focus on choosing joy. The lyrics focus on resolution, confidence and assurance that the Lord WILL be your strength, based on the truths we find here — He is my shepherd, He will not allow us to falter, etc. Be strengthened by that, friend!

Question: What’s the hardest part for you?

This is an interactive post. I’m curious to know what is the hardest part of infertility for you? What do you struggle with the most about all of this? Your answer may be different today than it was months ago, and may change again, or it may be the same from day one. Not only would I like to consider how to speak to those struggles, but I find great unity and encouragement (and I think others will as well) to hear people in our same situation are wrestling with the same things.

Your answer can be about anything. It may be that medical things are gross or scary to you, or, like me, it may not really be about the infertility at all, and may be more along the lines of understanding why God doesn’t answer prayer, or it could be something like fearing a future without children. Any answer is acceptable, because it’s your answer.

Please leave a comment, anonymously if you prefer, and tell us what is the hardest part of your infertility.