This post is more personal than I usually prefer to be, but I have no better real-life way to explain what I mean. Since this past summer one of many big lessons God has been drilling into me is about how much He personally cares about me. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us, “Cast your cares upon God, for He cares about you.” This has been a special verse to my heart during our infertility. Lately God keeps showing me over and over (without just handing me a baby) that He genuinely cares about me. He cares about what I care about. He is thoughtful and cares about my sorrow. The world doesn’t revolve around me, and I don’t deserve these affections, but He does care.
Just some background… I’ve mentioned that we’re Christian workers living abroad, which means we have a very low income. We’ve been in America for several months, and will be returning to our country soon [when I wrote this we were in the States… we’ve since moved back overseas]. So there have been a number of expenses, many of which are just wants and not needs, that have been floating around. For example, my husband’s birthday was in August. In our normal life I don’t have a lot of independence, so it’s hard for me to get him nice gifts for his birthday without him knowing about it. I really wanted to give him something special while I had the freedom of America (and access to gifts he’ll actually like). I prayed that God would make a way and room in the budget. I got him one gift, but I really wanted to get him a watch — he’d wanted one last year, but we never found one he really liked in our budget. But this year, it was still just out of the budget. The day before his birthday, we spoke to a group of senior citizens. Afterwards, as we were walking out the door, out of nowhere, an old lady walked up to me, gave me a hug, handed me some cash and said, “Use this to buy your husband something special.” Then she walked away. I couldn’t believe it! I immediately ran to the mall to get him his dream watch, which he now wears every day. I like to tell him, “Every time you look at that watch, remember that God really cares about you and even the little things you care about.” And it’s a reminder that He cares about me, too.
I have a bigger story to share, but you have to promise not to judge me. Promise? Okay. [Note: In hindsight, I removed this story. Don’t judge me for that either!]
[…] I wrote a post before about trusting that God knows what we can handle. He loves us, so in His sovereignty, He won’t put you in a situation that will kill you, even if you think now that it will definitely kill you. I know that if this hadn’t happened, I would have persevered and grown by His grace. But He must (duh) know better than me, and has spared me from it. And I’m reminded of the fears that overwhelm me sometimes (my current fear being returning to our country childless) — if He leads you to that point, He will enable you stand up under it. […] For you, it may be something else. Whatever the case, I hope you can be encouraged — the God of the universe genuinely and personally cares about you. Write it down, tell yourself every day, and cling to that for all your hope and strength.