On Obsessing

If you google Infertility, you will find about 22,900,000 initial results. I feel like at least 22,000,000 of those are forums of women obsessing over symptoms, decisions, tests and diagnoses. The numbers of women contributing to the madness is astounding, overwhelming, and quickly depressing, especially when you consider how many more women are reading without commenting. Very early into this, I had to set up boundaries for myself to resist the sinful temptation to worry, fear, and obsess. I don’t take pregnancy tests before I’m “late.” I don’t contribute to forums or similar sites and, as much as possible, I don’t read them. I’m not perfect; there have still been many times when one innocent search for a non-obsessive question (What is prolactin anyway?) led me on a rabbit trail that ended with me in tears and my husband insisting I just walk away from the computer.

But you don’t need your husband to tell you to stop obsessing. Jesus Himself spoke on the problem when He was teaching His first followers about worry and trusting the Lord. The verse I claim for this is Matthew 6:27, when He reasons with them, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” In other words, what is it going to change if you take your fifth EPT? You will still be pregnant or not pregnant, regardless of how many women you can get to agree with you that “that definitely looks like a line.” And if you lose another night’s sleep wondering what that blood test is going to say about your hormones, it will not change the results. So sleep easy. Close your laptop. Put the tests back on the shelf. Meditate on higher things and spend your time in more eternal ways. Cast your cares on the Lord and move on, and repeat. Worrying — obsessing– is not going to change anything. Trust in the Lord and resist the temptation to trust in other things for your hope and peace. 

worry
Click for a blogpost with other great verses on worry, from Quite Magazine.
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I Want the Better Plan

This is a note I wrote my sister last year, when she was in the midst of looooong struggle with infertility. She is now pregnant, by the way.

I’ve been thinking of you extra today. There’s always so much I want to say, but I know it’s not really the kind of stuff you want to hear. But I’m really praying you can find peace in this great struggle you’re facing, and a light in this dark cloud you’re in. And that you can find peace in believing that even when God’s plan is different than ours, His plan is surely better. And even if it’s painful at times along the way — even if it’s gut-wrenchingly awful — we want the better plan in the end. This is something I remind myself of when I don’t get the first (or second, or tenth) plan I want… “Even if it’s painful, I want the better plan.” I hope you can find peace and believe this, even in this really horrible time for you. I love you!

When I wrote that, I was also beginning my trial, but I wasn’t ready to tell her that. As the months started racking up for me, that became my repeated mantra, “I want the better plan. I want the better plan. I want the better plan.” You’re welcome to borrow it the next time you see that dreaded one line. “Even if it’s painful, I want the better plan.”

what God has ready
1 Corinthians 2:9

Though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm

This song always reminds me of this powerful quote by Os Guinness: “We may be in the dark about what God is doing, but we are not in the dark about God.” I think of it when he sings, “You are who You are, no matter where I am,” and I treasure the truth that we can trust in what we know for sure about God, even when we don’t understand what He’s doing: He is sovereign, wise, and good. So we praise Him in this storm and trust Him with each step!

I also love the singing of this powerful verse:

“I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord: the Maker of heaven and earth.”

-Psalm 121:1 

Here’s the song with the lyrics:

For more reading… this song references a man named Job’s reaction when the Lord allows him to go through horrible trial and lose all he has. He proclaims, “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” To read this inspiring true story, begin here: http://www.esvbible.org/Job+1/